Nothing beats the smell of real pine needles mixed with gingerbread houses and hot cocoa. Maybe the smell of burning plastic and wire lights if you’re contemplating putting up an artificial Christmas Tree. Seriously, if you’re going to put up an artificial Christmas Tree, why not just go the distance and put out fake presents with empty boxes just wrapped up in pretty paper and bows. Sure, it’s more expensive. But you’re already spending hundreds of dollars on the newest edition of COD (that is Call of Duty for those out of the loop) for your full-grown son, so what’s another forty-something dollars for a real tree, that may even outlast your artificial tree if FeeFee has her feline way with it. How boring is it to just stroll down the aisles at your local Kmart and choose the most enthusiastically pre-decorated and sporadic branches unequally distributed along a six foot stick? You know what artificial Christmas trees remind me of? Those horrific “camouflaged” cell towers on the sides of the Garden State Parkway. You know what I’m talking about. Those tall brown round columns that are obviously too thick to be any tree on the East Coast (unless something was transplanted from Muir Woods, CA). Then they have these ill-fitting “branches” sticking out from the sides covering up the wires and other technological extremities. (See picture below if you don’t know what I’m talking about…haha)
Why not try to go out to a local tree farm (I prefer the one in Allentown, NJ off I-195)? It’s such an adventure to venture out into a sea of tall, short and everything in between trees. It’s a search similar to that of finding the perfect (wo)man. You may spot love at first sight. You may think you’ve found the right one and find unacceptable flaws underneath the beautiful green skirt. It may take several tries and encounters with different trees before you find the one that fits you and your needs. Once found, take in hand your hack-saw and get to work on the overly stubborn trunk and hope to the higher powers there is a gentlemen in sight with a John Deere transporter to relieve your arms from the torment of dragging this six-footed monster 100 yards to the cashier. After successfully reaching the wrapping and cashier station, the tree is wrapped up tighter than a Christmas ham and then strapped to the roof of your car for dear life. Upon arrival at your residence, you treat that tree like a member of your family, or closer, by watering and feeding it over the next few weeks. And if treated properly, this tree could last you past January… if you so chose to keep it up that long. With a real tree, you’re granted a blank canvas for your decorating pleasure. Grab the lights, the tinsel, the popcorn garland and the poorly-made-yet-well-intended elementary school ornaments. Some people prefer to take the more simpler route, but my family takes on the theory of the more the merrier. I will supply photographic proof in the next week or so.
So the choice is up to you America… are you REAL or ARTIFICIAL? ENJOY!
