I just got back from going to a local bar with my friends. This was in no way a dive-bar nor a city-like trendy bar. This was a typical bar on a Thursday night, a night when college kids seem to be the most thirsty. My friends and I arrived at approximately 11:14pm. Upon presenting my student ID I luckily escaped that evil thing called a “cover charge”. Thank God for college night. I was surprised to see that the bar that usually houses most of the female sorority population of my college was not living up to its previous reputation. There was not a Coach, Fendi, or Louis in sight. There were a few girls sprinkled in. But the crowd was mostly comprised of baseball caps and some wanna-be thugs from the next town over. My girlfriends and I were hardly at the bar for more than a few minutes before being eyed up like prey in a lion’s den. It made me realize the lack of tact most boys guys have at the bar when picking up girls.
There are many methods employed by the sexes in picking up someone at a bar. There are the more direct to the almost unnoticeable to the downright creepy. Some will be more direct and come right up to you. Then, they open their mouth and 9 times out of 10 it is all downhill from there. There are the cliche lines like “got a map? because I got lost in your eyes” or “I lost my number, can I have yours?” which are rarities in the bar scene. Unless you think you’re Bo Burnham or something, you’re not going to get anything out of those lines. Then, there are the seemingly more tactful who will circle around you several times before approaching. First contact may be made through “accidental” bumping or a “can I get to the bar passed you?” Either way, it is well intended but indirect and at times hard to read. Lastly, there are the guys who put the eep in creep. You know who I’m talking about. You may even be them! They are the ones who will need rubber shoes (not like you’d hear them coming in the overly noisy bar scene) or an alarm like the ones trucks have when they are put in reverse. They are what Seinfeld referred to as a sideler. They sneak up next to you, awkwardly, and usually don’t speak. That is until you turn to your right and are now about 4 inches away from their face. “Oh hello, excuse me, can I help you?” you say. They don’t respond. Just staring at you blankly, you realize that this may be what a Peeping Tom looks like when not perched on a tree outside your bedroom window. Another form of the sideling creeper is the sideling dancer. You’re getting your groove on to Apple Bottom Jeans on the floor and you realize you keep bumping into something. It’s the same creeper just standing awkwardly behind you as you’re dancing. He tries to dance on your right, moves to your left and tries to touch your hips. You slide to the left or right to avoid him and when the time comes for it, you grab your girlfriends and make a beeline for the bathroom. (And you guys wonder why we go to the bathroom together!)
There is no “correct” way to pick up someone at a bar. Unless you’ve studied the movie Hitch or read that book from the “pick-up artist” (and I’m sure some of you have), if you don’t got it, you don’t got it. Here’s some easy advice: make eye contact, smile, look away, smile and GO OVER AND TALK TO THEM! Make an attempt to approach them and you’ve already made the first step. Everyone appreciates a complimentary beverage, so that is something to consider 
This is a phenomenon occurring every weekend and the occasional weekday night around the country. Make the right move, and maybe you will have a happy ending to your happy hour.
